I Read That Taylor Swift/Tom Hiddleston Fanfic So You Don't Have To!

As some exceptionally cultured folks such as myself may have realized recently, Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift are apparently "dating" (I'm using that term loosely here since today's dating culture is so weird and those photos released earlier this week were obvs staged). Two weeks after her split with Calvin Harris, NO LESS. You do you, Taylor. I'm supportive.

(Here are the said photos, btw. Don't ever say I don't do anything for you. This is *super* important.)

Normally - and especially since I began my paradigm shift about a year ago - I would roll my eyes and give zero craps, but because the news lately has been so depressing and soul-crushing and I have felt so stupidly helpless in the face of it all and I'm not going to get political on you but there's a lot about this world that needs to change and I am saddened that it may never all get fixed and I don't even feel like my contributions make any difference but I want to keep helping people anyway, I am reveling in all this Taylor Swift nonsense. It has been the soul food I have chosen to indulge in. Please note: It's not actually food.

I could probably be a vegan, but I like fried chicken too much. I really like the Cracker Barrel, after all.

Anyway! Back to pointless nonsense.

My only hope is Adam Calvin was spared any infidelity. Did you even watch the video of Loki and Taylor dancing at the Met?!?! IT WAS ADORABLE. These two were obviously destined to be, like Brangelina long before them.

I digress though. Further and further down this silly rabbit hole. But it gets better. Oh, much better.

This is who I am in my dreams.
My all-time favorite news source, the internet (lower caps hollllla AP style guide), reported recently that SOMEONE WROTE A FANFICTION IN 2014 THAT MAGICALLY PREDICTED THIS PAIRING. Stop everything! Somebody else writes magical fanfic too?! Who KNEW.

Say you'll remember me.
Something something white dress.

The writer actually put a lot of research into her fanfic, which I give her kudos to. Even though fanfic is generally something people poke fun at (I know I do, but as someone who once married Niles in a fanfiction she wrote as a 12-year-old, I feel like it's okay), the majority of fanfic writers out there are reallllly talented folks with great ideas and surprising ambition. I mean, the fanfic community is strong for a reason. For every little lovesick teenager who writes herself into a "Frasier" episode, there is a future J.K. Rowling out there. (Not putting myself down here, ~ I know I've got some premium word skills that I choose not to showcase on this blog ~).

So, long story short, the other night when I couldn't sleep, I decided, "What the heck? I'm reading this." The following is my story.

I'd like to say that this - this writer of "Wildest Dreams" put a lot of ornate details into describing Tom and Taylor's madcap love affair. Like, I was surprised about the level of description. And how much I liked it?! Honestly, I felt like I did when I went through my chick lit phase. Like, "Hmm. I'm going to figure out why people like this stuff so much." Which at first I scoffed at, but eventually chick lit endeared itself to me. If you like chick lit, guess what. This fanfiction is RIGHT up your alley, Bridget Jones!

So Taylor shows up with #squadgoals to the Met Gala. And she locks eyes with Tom and quickly abandons the 100 people and at least two countries who consist of her squad.

What do Tom and Taylor do? They drink white wine, they flirt, things get heated. I don't know why this never happens when I go to the Met Gala TBH. I just end up complaining to Sofia Vergara all night.

The story ends on a sweet note - I mean, it's not like any song off "1989" but maybe it's more like "Sparks Fly" off "Speak Now."

So do I recommend reading the Taylor Swift fanfic? Um. Unless you're extremely curious and bored and having a hard time ridding your mind of anxieties so you can ZZZ. But honestly, I'll probably read this again in a few weeks while enjoying some pizza rolls and a bottle of wine.  You can also rent "The Notebook" - it's really up to you.

And as for Tom and Taylor? I'm happy for them, a little bummed for Calvin, and hoping they put out a line of sweaters in the near future that I can purchase from Urban Outfitters. Or perhaps L.L. Bean. Not sure yet.