"Summertime Sadness"- Lana Del Rey (AKA Lana for President)

Song of the Day

Why does everyone want to dance to this song? I could never - no matter how remixed - not associate this song with wistfulness and nostalgia. 

When I was in San Diego last weekend, I heard this song a lot. Albeit, sped-up to sound like some horrible techno thing all the kids are listening to these days. Which robs the song of its very tender heart.

In San Diego, I also threw up the most I have since I was a little kid. It was a mixture of seawater and alcohol. I kept running into the waves when I was out in the ocean because I felt it was pretty cathartic. (I did get thrown once though- I've never swam in the ocean before so I guess that's to be expected). Then I got that shit in my mouth, then I got drunk that night, then I threw up all the next morning. I actually threw up in a trapezoid shape around this parking lot of a sushi restaurant we went t0. One corner, run, one corner, run, one corner, run...vomit at every stop. A couple was watching me for a while. I must have looked like a possessed emu on fire. Liz said when she saw me again my face was covered in vomit and tears. I'm not proud of this all, but it's funny in retrospect. In conclusion: F U, seawater.

I also thought I may have drank so much I was going to die. A writer dying from alcohol? 

Nope, never happens. 

Anyway, back to the point. 

The last time I really listened to "Born to Die" nonstop was back in 2011/2012. I was recovering from my nervous breakdown and I remember my dear friend Mira posted the video on Facebook. I was hooked! When the album came out, I actually bought the CD. And I listened to this album on the way to work, trekking through the snow to my bus stop to go do admin work for several hours. I remember Lana's brashness and attitude really appealed to my broken self and I was like "This bitch does not care about anyone (or at least she pretends not to). So I can adopt this attitude for myself!"Of course I didn't, but this album got me through my last feel-nothing time. Personally, I tend to retreat to what's comforting in times of hardship; so here I go again.

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best.

p.s. here's a link to an old post I did celebrating Lana. I got banned from Blogher after this. I didn't really like that woman's attitude. Or man or whoever it is. Probably an R2-D2. Whatever; I barely ever stand up for myself so I'm not ashamed.