2 Broke Girls recap: And the Tip Slip

Before anything else, there's just one thing I'd like to announce:

The Carrie Diaries has been officially renewed for a second season!!!!!

And this is for the h8rs:

Now on to the recap...

Max complains to Caroline about a customer who tipped her in Monopoly money. Han shows up wearing a baseball uniform, only to be mocked by the girls. He announces that he is putting a team together for the restaurant league, but no one seems really eager to play, except for Caroline. She throws the ball and it hits Han right in the nuts. The poor thing walks away in pain as he mentions he forgot to put on a protective cup. "Need a cup?" Max taunts.

The girls go to visit Caroline's father, Martin Channing, in prison. Caroline wonders why he wanted to see them. "He probably wants a conjugal visit," Max says. "Max!" Caroline exclaims. "Relax! With me," Max clarifies. Martin comes in and tells them that Sandra Rosenthal, a woman who used to work for him, is being paid a million dollars to write a tell-all book about him. "A million dollars? How much can I get for a tell-all book about Caroline? Chapter one: Sleep Farts," Max quips. Furthermore, the woman is claiming that they were sleeping together, and she is about to go on Piers Morgan Live for a interview. Caroline assures him that she will defend him by going on the show to refute Sandra's lies.

Martin asks Caroline to leave so he can speak to Max privately. "Max, no!" Caroline comically mouths from behind the door. He asks Max to tell Caroline that the woman is also claiming he has a small penis, which might be the lie that got the book sold. "How big of a lie?" Max asks. "Oh, a really big one," he replies. Oh my.

While riding the subway home, Caroline asks Max what her father wanted to talk to her about, but Max is uncomfortable telling Caroline. When Max finally gives in, a sports team enters the subway and starts blowing vuvuzelas frantically. After being interrupted several times, Max announces out loud that the woman is going to say that Caroline's father has a small penis, much to everyone's astonishment. Caroline insists it's another lie. "Have you seen it?" Max asks. "No, I haven't seen it! I never wanna see it. Have you seen your father's penis?" Caroline asks back. "If I did, it was waving goodbye," Max replies.

At the diner, Caroline decides she will discredit Sandra on the show by telling people her father did good things as well. She shows Max pictures of him working with UNICEF, rebuilding Haiti, and water-skiing at a charity event on Lake Tahoe. Sophie walks in blurting out that the news of Martin Channing's "weenis" is all over the Internet. Caroline complains about being tense, and Han offers to give her a massage, which turns out to be ridiculous. Sophie decides to treat the girls to a massage at a spa. Caroline thanks Han for the massage, until she realizes he is still doing it.

"That was a-mazing! I mean, a guy rubbed me for an hour and didn't expect anything back? This massage stuff could catch on," Max says as she meets Caroline in the spa's quiet room. Caroline was unable to enjoy her massage, as she is worried about going on Piers Morgan's show. Sophie comes in talking loudly, only to be shushed by a woman who had earlier shushed Caroline. Sophie retaliates by hilariously throwing a fruit at her.

Caroline spots Sandra, who gloats to the masseuse about her tell-all book before going in for her massage. Sophie offers to distract the masseuse while Max and Caroline sneak into Sandra's room so they can find out more about her book. Caroline, passing herself off as a masseuse, instigates Sandra to talk about the book. As the girls attempt to give her a hot stone massage, Sandra shares her plans to expose Martin, which prompts Caroline to shove a hot stone up Sandra's ass (above the towel, obvs).

When Sandra realizes the girls have replaced her masseuse, Caroline confronts her about lying about sleeping with her father. Sandra alleges she did sleep with him on Caroline's pink canopy bed, and threatens to tell everyone in the spa lobby that she was touched inappropriately by Caroline. Max assures she's not going to tell anybody that, before Sophie, who was listening outside the door, walks in and joins the girls.

As they arrive at Piers Morgan's show, Caroline tells Max she is having second thoughts after hearing Sandra's claims. Max goes through the pictures of Caroline's father to remind her of the person he used to be. When Max sees the picture of him water-skiing, she notices something coming out of his swimsuit as she zooms in. "Someone had a tip slip, and that is not a small tip. And as a waitress and a loose woman, I know a small tip when I see one." She shows the picture to Caroline, who looks away in horror. Max suggests that Caroline show it to Piers in order to prove that Sandra is lying, but Caroline refuses. Max, being Max, sends the picture to herself.

The show is on, and Piers asks Caroline for comments on her father's small penis. Instead, Caroline implies that Sandra lied about her finance degree. Max crawls under the desk and gives Caroline her phone, but she quickly gives it back, so Max passes it to Piers. After looking at the picture of Caroline's father's tip slip, Piers declares Sandra a fraud and immediately closes the interview.

Back at the diner, Caroline wonders if she is going to have to defend her father forever. Max says she will be there to help, "'cause it's a wife's job to defend her husband." Jokes aside, Caroline says it makes her sad to think her father is going to be in prison for the rest of his life. Max conforts Caroline in her own way, saying, "Don't think of it like that, he's not just in prison. He's in Africa working with UNICEF, he's in Haiti, he's water-skiing on Lake Rich Person, and he's on the desktop of my computer."

Caroline decides it's time to delete the picture of her father's tip slip, but she realizes she doesn't have her phone with her. The girls walk out of the kitchen to find Earl, Oleg, and Han looking at her father's picture. When Oleg returns the phone, Caroline faces her father's junk and runs back into the kitchen. Max takes the phone and zooms in for her viewing pleasure.

Current total: $940.00

Damn, I can't believe the season finale is already next week. What do you think is going to happen? Will there be another celeb cameo, like Martha Stewart last year? Make sure you leave a comment, asshole dear reader.