It's a Shame About Ray
It feels good to be back in my weekly routine. This week, I think I enjoyed Enlightened more than Girls, but that’s really like me saying I like coffee more than espresso this week. In other words, both were great, but Enlightened blew me away. But now I’m getting ahead of myself (it happens). First up, it’s the show where all the awkward conversations happen.
The episode begins with the fallout between Elijah and Hannah. Yes, he’s still moving out and he is “livid.” They squabble as Elijah packs up. Hannah rubs her vagina back and forth across one of Elijah’s (or George’s, since he paid for everything) chairs. She calls him a fink, and that she shouldn’t have tried to re-purpose Elijah as a friend. He says she owes him for all the burritos he bought her when they were dating in college. Oh, and the butt plug (more on that later). All the time this fight is happening, I’m acting like the traumatized child, curled up in the corner mumbling. I did not want these two to have a falling out; as actors they play off each other so well, even when they’re fighting. I, for one, will be super bummed out if Eiljah is forever gone from this show.
Onto less depressing things, Jessa and her hubby, Thomas, get ready to go to dinner with Thomas’ parents. Jessa is already prickly about the whole thing, citing her aversion to meat “unless I’m mestruating.” She then plops down the couch next to Thomas (who’s on the phone with his dad) and shows him some boob. And what a fantastic boob it is! Apparently it’s the “good boob.” And Thomas wants to see the “bad one.” Does he mean bad as is “horrible plastic surgery?” Or as in “naughty?”
In case anyone was really wondering: yes, I am gay (well, technically queer, but semantics) and yes, I think boobies are the best things ever.
That evening, Hannah is getting ready to have her own, equally uncomfortable dinner. Charlie and Audrey—his headband-wearing bitch of a girlfriend—are over. And they are being the typical gross couple that everyone tolerates because one of them is a good friend of yours. Then Marnie shows up. And runs into Hannah’s room and shuts the door.
Hannah had invited her as a gesture; she didn’t think she’d actually show up. You know because of the drama last episode. Naturally, Charlie and Audrey want to leave, then Marnie comes back out and says she should leave. Hannah demands they all stay.
|More like hair accessories to murder! AM I RIGHT|
They sit around drinking beers and talking about Audrey’s fascinating mustard company. Audrey in turn asks Marnie what she’s doing now. She says she’s a hostess and Audrey gives her one of those “I’m in such a better place than you and I”m fucking your ex-boyfriend” looks.
Thankfully (well, for now) Ray and Shosh show up, albeit late. Shosh tries to spin this elaborate excuse about losing her earring in the taxi, but Ray tells the truth: they were fucking. And then Hannah almost burns her noodles.
Jessa walks ahead of Thomas as they walk down the street while Regina Spektor plays (seriously, this show and that girl). They get to the restaurant, and imagine my surprise when it turns out that Thomas’ mom is also the mother to one Jerri Blank. Oh, and Jessa is already turning on the bitch as they go to their table.
(As I was writing my notes on this, I wanted to eat so much junk food, but it was like 3am. The Red Vines were calling my name. But I resisted.)
At Hannah’s party, they talk about sex. Hannah says she’s pretty open about things, even butt plugs. Shosh has no clue what one is. “It’s a plug, for your butt,” Hannah says. Shosh is still confused, so they explain how a man’s prostate is like having “a clit in your butt.” Not a bad analogy, actually.
|Not a bad analogy, actually. LOL ANALogy. Yep, I'm 12.|
Someone says “butthole” and Marnie freaks out; she fucking hates that word. Audrey jibes Marnie about it, which leads her to call Marnie out on the “special” relationship Charlie has with her still. Like coming over to sleep in his bed. They start arguing more, and they put it on Hannah to decide who should leave. Okay, that’s such an uncool thing to ask of your host. She balks at it, saying “I cooked the food!” Marnie and Charlie leave in quick succession, leaving Hannah to chat with Shosh and Ray (and I guess Audrey).
Ray talks about how he doesn’t really have a place to live. Shosh is concerned in the freaking out way that she does. She realizes that the two of them are essentially living together. When he’s not with her, he lives in his car. Kind of sad, I guess, but I’m not that into Ray at the moment.
Meanwhile, at the other awkward dinner, Jessa dominates the conversation with talk of traveling and dropping out of college to go to rehab for her heroin addiction. Thomas’ mom hates her, but Thomas’ dad is intrigued; he’s always wondered about heroin. “Heroin is delicious,” Jessa says, much to everyone’s dismay. Thomas is so uncomfortable throughout all of it. His mom politely calls Jessa a gold-digger, but Jessa takes it all in stride. Thomas’ dad mentions the Lord, and Jessa informs them she’s an atheist.
|Bravo on this trainwreck of a dinner, Jessa! And I mean that.|
Marnie is up on the roof, and Charlie knew he’d find her there. They talk about how jealous Audrey is of her and the connection the two of them have. But she’s “just a hostess.” She doesn’t know what she wants out of life. She wishes she had someone to tell her “This is how the rest of your life should look.” Again, this show hitting all of us where it hurts. Who doesn’t want that? Being aimless is the worst. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but still.
Oh right, Charlie gushes on how smart and beautiful and amazing Marnie is. Then he kisses her. She pulls away to inform him that she’s seeing the underwhelming artist Booth. Charlie is pissed for some reason. He leaves and turns and says Marnie will be getting “none of this,” as he points to his crotch area. Stay classy, Charlie.
And I’m not wrong, am I? Booth is a terrible artist and an even worse lover. Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I want to have creepy doll sex.
Charlie goes down to the party, where Shosh is still freaking out about living with Ray. Hannah informs him that Audrey left. And in my favorite scene of the night, Hannah offers him some cake and says “nothing bunt trouble.” I died. This starts Charlie on a rant about how much of a cunt Marnie is, but Hannah tells him off. Marnie has genuinely had a rough go of it lately and Charlie is being a “fucking jerk.” And then she eats more bunt cake.
|I approve of all of this.|
Things are not happy at Thomas’ place. He and Jessa are having the fight of the century. It starts out with Jessa saying he can’t handle her free spirit nature. “I’m going to look fifty when I’m thirty...Like Nico.” He turns the tables about how clever she was to find a successful finance guy post-recession, “I’m a unicorn!”
The gloves come off when Jessa drops the average bomb. “I tell my friends you were a test tube baby just to give you an edge.” And that’s why she walks ahead of him. He’s so average. I get where she's coming from, but I have to stick up for "average" guys. Maybe that's what Jessa needs. Plus, it's Chris O'Dowd for fuck's sake!
He says this was the biggest mistake he’s ever made, ranting about all the Buddahs in the apartment so that when they have sex it looks as if fat babies are looking at them. Oh, and that hookers have more respect for him than Jessa does. And she punches him.
Jessa goes upstairs, but Thomas stops her by asking how much money would it take for her to leave. They haggle down to $11,500, the extra five hundred for all the things Jessa did but really didn’t want to (I’m thinking it was stuff like going to dinner with the parents, and not sex stuff. Because it’s Jessa.)
Oh, and she smashes his one award after he says she “destroys people’s lives because she’s bored.” She does seem to do that, I’ll give him that. Jessa is like a fucking typhoon of drama.
In the subway, Ray and Shosh profess their love for one another.
|So that happened.|
My runner-up for best scene comes at the end, when Hannah is singing “Wonderwall” in the bathtub. Jessa is there, watching her for a moment before Hannah realizes she’s there and screams. Adorable. Jessa joins her in the bathtub, has herself a good cry, and then “snot rockets” in said tub. Hannah, she who pees in all the tubs she’s in, is offended, but laughing.
Amy is nervous and fidgety about Jeff coming to pick her up. Her mom, Helen is being her typical nosy self and thinks this is a date when Amy assures her it’s a business meeting. Jeff shows up, and Helen is sure to grill him at least a little bit. She asks about his ancestry, and Amy is mortified. She ushers Jeff out of the foyer and gives her mom an exasperated look. Real life mother-daughter, Laura Dern and Diane Ladd have such a great ease with each other. It’s always a treat to see the interplay between them.
Enough gushing. Jeff and Amy have dinner where they talk about Abaddonn, but they’re interrupted by two of Jeff’s fans. Amy is confused; how does a newspaper reporter have “fans?” He tells her it’s because of his blog, facebook, Twitter. Essentially, social media helps him connect with people. He tells her about a blogger who has been helping motivate change just through social media.
Amy has always thought social media and technology disconnect us from each other, but Jeff thinks it’s the exact opposite. He invites her to meet this blogger, Roberta Jackson, at an event the next day.
“This is the angel sent to you from another world...follow him...fight the darkness,” Amy narrates. She goes home and watches Youtube videos of Abaddonn’s CEO, Chuck Szidon.
Next morning at the office, Amy introduces herself to Szidon. He seems genuinely pleased to meet her, but it’s one of those smiles that implies he’ll forget about her by tomorrow.
Amy tells Tyler “I shook hands with Darth Vader,” when she gets to the office. Tyler asks why and she says she wanted to look the face of the enemy in the eye. Dougie notices their whispering yet again and calls them out on it. Why are they always whispering?
“American Idol,” they both agree. Amy mentions Omar (who got fired last episode), and yes, Dougie is still pissed about him getting fired. He wasn’t a hacker, but someone in this office is.
He leaves them at their desks, but keeping a watchful eye. Amy, meanwhile, creates her Twitter account. She follows Jeff, PETA, Amnesty International and...Mia Farrow? Well, alright. Amy then starts campaigning for Twitter followers, and hounds Connie to follow her, all with Dougie watching.
|Dougie is ALWAYS WATCHING|
Later, while Amy is having another awkward visit with Krista in the hospital, Dougie has a talk with Tyler. He knows that Amy and he are the ones to blame for Omar getting fired, and he’s going to work late tonight and get proof. Tyler is steadfast and doesn’t falter under the pressure.
When Amy gets back, Tyler lets her know that Dougie knows. Should they come clean? Amy says yes, if it comes to that. And guess who’s watching all of this?
After work, Amy goes to the event. She listens to Roberta give an impassioned speech about social media. How they’re soldiers in an army, ready to start a cyber revolution. “Follow me to this world,” she says, echoing Amy’s thoughts earlier in the episode.
|Hi Derm--er I mean, Jeff! So cute.|
Amy meets Roberta after and gushes about how wonderful the speech was. She gets ignored the way most people do at parties. But Jeff finds her and starts introducing her to all these important people. Amy is beyond excited. “This new world, I am a stranger here..but I will learn their language...”
The party over, Jeff escorts her out, where they wait for their cars to be brought around. They chat about how exciting all of this is, and Amy’s job woes. Then Jeff gives her a hug and a kiss on the lips. Oh girl! Get some, Amy! They both go home alone, though. Super cute scene.
|Can't help it. They're just too adorable.|
Another day, another chance to sow discord amongst the office. Tyler couldn’t do anything about Dougie getting on their computers, but he did print out all the email about Cogentiva (the office they work in) being closed and how much the executives think Dougie is a joke.
Dougie asks them into his office. He knows they’re both to blame, and calls Amy a “tech retard.” He doesn’t want to hear anything they have to say. He makes his way toward the elevator and up to HR. Amy chases after him with the packet of emails. She catches him as he gets in the elevator. Dougie reads the emails and freaks out.
Amy pulls him aside and lets him know “you still have power.” For all their time and energy put into this company they’ll be fired. “What’s the point of loyalty?” Amy asks. Help her and Tyler, she offers.
Dougie is in.
He doesn’t care about proving a point, he just wants to fuck them all.
|To which I say FUCK YEAH|
“I have joined the new world, I have read its signs...Unite in a current of compassion...” Amy muses to herself. She gets on twitter.
“The revolution starts here.” She tweets.
“Follow me...follow me.”