2 Broke Girls recap: And the Psychic Shakedown

Before we go any further, let's all take a moment to appreciate the unapologetic awesomeness of this David LaChapelle-directed 2 Broke Girls promo that aired during last Sunday's Super Bowl:

Best Super Bowl commercial ever—yes or of course? I love the '80s cheesiness to it. Needless to say that Kat looks immaculately HOT. Ugh, I just wanna transplant her face onto mine. Beth looks pretty hot too, of course.

Okay, back to the recap...

Max and Caroline don't have enough money to buy supplies for the next day, so they resort to stealing from the diner's kitchen. At Oleg's suggestion, Caroline proceeds to stash eggs into her bra, with a little assistance from Max. Earl comes in to warn them that Han (who's staying late to do inventory) is coming their way, and even offers to fake a stroke. Max says she will deal with Han while Caroline keeps stuffing her cleave with eggs, much to Oleg's voyeuristic delight. "Keep it up and we'll finally have an answer to the question 'What comes first? The chicken or the Oleg?'" he says. Um, classy.

At the cupcake shop, Caroline tells Max she just found the greatest thing online. "The ultrasound of the Kim and Kanye baby where someone photoshopped a '666' on its little baby butt? Wait, this kid's half Kardashian—its big baby butt," Max says. "That baby's already famous for doing nothing... Just like its mom," Caroline completes. Speaking of, I saw Keeping Up with the Kardashians for the first time the other day—it's so wrong it's almost right. Anyway, Caroline found a site where they can apply for a small business grant. They need a letter of recommendation from someone who owns another start-up business, and Andy is the first person that comes to mind. Caroline has a letter written, she just needs Max to ask Andy to sign it. "I can't, he's my ex, and I'm saving up my favor for a booty call on a cold night," she adds. "I hate asking men for things. Favors, last names, to stop," Max replies.

However, the girls are surprised to find out that Andy has closed his store. A Middle Eastern guy named Amir shows up and jokingly asks Max if today is the day they're going to get married. "Sure, Amir. 'Cause my dream in life is to be detained for four hours on our honeymoon flight," Max retorts. He asks Caroline how she feels about driving her ex away. Even though she insists they ended their relationship on a good note, Amir reveals that he helped Andy move out in the middle of the night. Amir also accuses Caroline of being self-absorbed.

The girls try to get Han to sign their recommendation letter, but he refuses to do it because, in his own words, it has more lies than his OkCupid profile (LOL). Oleg suggests Sophie could sign it, but Caroline is not so sure Sophie's cleaning business is legit. "When we worked for her, on the memo line of our paycheck, she wrote 'colonoscopy.'" Earl offers to sign it—by forging Han's signature. When Caroline goes out to mail their letter of recommendation, the psychic across the street, Wiga, signals for her to come in, asking if she wants to know her future. Caroline is reluctant at first, but when Wiga tells her she has a message about her love life for $10, Caroline doesn't think twice and rushes inside.

Caroline goes back home and wakes Max up to tell her that the fortune teller near the diner told her she would never find love in her life. Max says fortune-telling is a scam, but Caroline urges her to listen, and offers to make her some tea. "Tea? Who am I, Pippa Middleton?" Max scoffs. She can't believe Caroline blew $10 on a psychic. Caroline reveals she actually spent $50, as she also bought a crystal that protects her from bad juju. "You spent money on crystal you can't snort?! What is wrong with you?" Max hilariously asks.

Sophie drops by, and she's none too pleased about Caroline's remarks on her cleaning business, but she changes her mood as soon as she noticesand helps herself withthe waffle that Caroline was preparing for Max. Caroline asks Sophie if she believes in psychics, and Sophie claims it's all fake. "I knew a family of gypsy psychics who couldn't even predict that they would all die in a barn fire," she says. Geez, Poland must be a wonderful place. Oleg barges in wearing nothing but a sheet around his waist, and says that Sophie promised to rub antifungal cream on his "thick, yellow" toenails. EWW! Sophie says she will do it while enjoying Max's waffle. EEEEEWW! "This is what you're afraid you're missing?" Max taunts Caroline.

As the girls walk into the psychic's place, Wiga tells them to sit and ruminate on their wishes and dreams while she finishes eating. "My wish is that you give my friend her money back, and my dream is that I'm a backup dancer for Missy Elliott," Max reveals. Someone please make that happen. Wiga doesn't recall telling Caroline that she would never find love, as she sees a lot of sad, single girls. Max demands Caroline's money back, but her sassitude causes Wiga to curse the girls. "I'll lift both curses for 50, or else your whole life will come crashing down all around you," Wiga warns. "The only way I'm giving a strange woman 50 bucks is if I'm walking out of here with a genital piercing," Max says.

Outside, Max tells Caroline she has never believed in curses. "Not since Jennifer Martin told me I was going to hell for sleeping with her boyfriend. But I didn't, I just ended up going to homecoming with him." Caroline insists they go back and pay the psychic, but Max assures nothing's coming crashing down around them. Shortly after, a man named Paul takes his own life by jumping off the roof, leaving everyone around in shock. "That was Paul's life that came crashing down, not ours," Max says in an attempt to calm down Caroline. Oh, I see the show's slowly veering into black humor territory.

Caroline insists they pay to have their curses removed, but Max is not willing to spend another $50. Han gives Caroline a letter of recommendation he wrote himself, saying that she has devoted her life to business and nothing and no one else. "I totally get it, girl. I'm alone as well. We have our eyes on the prize, so our beds are empty. But occasionally, I pay for it," Han admits before walking away. Caroline tells Max that the only chance for a love life she has now is going halfsies on a hooker with Han, and insists once again that they have to reverse the curse. Max reminds her that everyone is cursed, before Sophie shows up and announces she just found a $100 bill on the sidewalk. Sophie grows apprehensive when Caroline tells her about the curse, despite having said earlier that curses are stupid. Max mentions what the psychic said about their whole lives crashing down around them as she places a glass on a shelf. Next thing you know, the shelf crashes down, leading Sophie to run off screaming in panic.

Max and Caroline decide to go back to the psychic and pay $50 to have their curses lifted. Wiga says she's in a good mood, so she offers Max a "free" reading. She sees a happy life and a large sum of money coming her way. She also sees great love and children in Max's future, in spite of her bad childhood. Caroline, on the other hand, will die alone, though Wiga does see great success in Caroline's future, which cheers her up. As the girls leave, Wiga wishes them a long and healthy life, and predicts snow.

After Caroline celebrates the fact that she is going to be "successful and alone," the girls see two postmen taking away the very same mailbox in which Caroline had dropped their grant application. One of the guys says the box has been out of commission for a week. "According to a psychic, her box is gonna be out of commission forever," Max jokes. Seeing that they're probably not getting that grant, it finally hits Caroline that the psychic was wrong and maybe nothing she said is going to come true. One prediction does come true, though: It starts to snow. "Oh, crap! Am I gonna have kids?" Max wonders.

Max concludes that no one person can get it all. "No one person can, but what about two? You'll have the love and the kids and I'll have success. Maybe we can share, like we share our tips," Caroline says. "Are you asking to bang my great love? Which is fine with me, because I'm already bored and sleeping with his poker buddy," Max quips. "In fact, let's switch. You can have my great love, and I'll die alone," she suggests. "Max, you don't wanna die alone," Caroline says. "I am dying to die alone," Max replies.

Current total: $4,800.00