2 Broke Girls recap: And the Broken Hip

Caroline is surprised to find so many hipster customers in the cupcake shop. Max renamed all the cupcakes after people from the '90s, and made up a new flyer in order to attract the neighborhood hipsters. "Come in and lick a Beavis. Eat a Butt-head," Caroline reads from the flyer. According to Max, "hipsters love '90s nostalgia more than they love pretending not to love anything." Caroline suggests they call the day-olds the Hugh Hefners. "That's not '90s," Max says. "He's in his 90s, and he's stale and hard," Caroline replies. Well put.

One of the hipsters asks for a Jonathan Taylor Thomas to go and two of the Spice Girls—any one but Baby. But why? She was my favorite. He also invites Max to the '90s trivia contest that takes place every Monday in some hipster bar, saying she could win a lot of money. "Yeah, and then I could pay for the lobotomy I'd need to forget that I ever participated in a hipster contest in a bar," Max snarks. Outside the shop, a street performer (guest star Andy Dick) is scaring customers away with his dancing marionette. Caroline tells Max they just have to ask him to move, but in a nice way. Well, we all know by now that when it comes to Max, "nice" is the last thing we'd expect from her. The creepy puppeteer makes his puppet, Pierre, curtsey and then climb up Caroline and "kiss" her. Max instantly brands him a serial killer. She was actually considering being nice until Pierre "raped" Caroline's leg.


He says his stage name is J. Petto ("Disney owns the rights to the name Geppetto"), and after a seemingly friendly chat, Caroline politely asks him to move, but he claims he is in a public space. Caroline calls him rude and storms back into the shop, while Max threatens to call the cops on him: "They do a background check, and I'm pretty sure you'd go from J. Petto to J. Petto-phile." When J. Petto rushes into the shop to confront the girls, he slips on a cupcake that a hipster had just dropped and lands on Pierre. Caroline offers him a free cupcake, but he's devastated, so he packs up and leaves.


A courier comes into the diner and serves the girls court papers—they are being sued for injuries sustained in their shop by J. Petto. Han offers to take a look at the suit, as he studied law in Korea, but he eventually realized it wasn't his passion, so he pulled out. "Did they know it was in?" Max jokes. Han goes over the suit and confirms the girls are being sued. No shit, Sherlock. He tells them that accidents like that happen all the time, that's why all businesses have insurance. Except that they don't. They've actually had the insurance discussion before, but they didn't have the money, and they dismissed the chances of something bad happening as a million to one.

Hoping to get J. Petto to drop the lawsuit, the girls go over to his apartment to bring him some cupcakes, with Caroline telling Max to be charming. A creepy girl puppet dressed as a peasant answers the door. J. Petto shows up and invites them into his apartment, which has puppets hanging everywhere. Caroline points out that J. Petto seems fine, considering the suit says he had a shattered arm and a broken hip. He reveals that he's actually suing them for injuries sustained by Pierre, not himself. Caroline thinks it's absurd, but J. Petto asserts that Pierre is his livelihood. He demands $1,000 by Monday to clear the lawsuit, and if Max makes another comment about his marionettes, he will raise the price. Caroline agrees, and quickly leaves with Max before she's about to let out a snarky remark. Caroline suggests they go to that bar so Max can exploit her special gifts. "If I have to strip, I have to strip," Max says. Caroline actually meant the hipster trivia bar. "Can't I just strip? At least I'd still have my dignity," Max insists.




Max and Caroline bring J. Petto the $1,000, but he demands another $500. "For what?! Did your dues for the serial killer's union and the pedophile guild come up at the same time this year?" Max asks. He says it's for Pierre's emotional distress. Caroline tells Max to wait in the hall while she tries to persuade him. Although she insists they're broke, J. Petto remains determined to sue them. Outside his apartment, Max opens her coat to reveal she has stolen Pierre! Sassiest, most streetwise biatch in da game.



As soon as J. Petto realizes his marionette is missing, he goes ballistic and follows the girls back to the cupcake shop, which is closed. Inside the shop, Max shows up with a pair of scissors, threatening to cut Pierre's strings if J. Petto doesn't drop the suit. When he threatens to call the police, Max puts Pierre in a compromising situation by making a naked Barbie molest him. "And she does not like the feel of a condom!" Max announces. To sass things up, Max pulls out a naked Ken—who is "a grower, not a shower"—and creates a doll three-way while Caroline gets the whole thing on camera, which could ruin his children's party business.

Caroline says she will delete the pictures if he drops the lawsuit, and he finally concedes. The girls also demand a notarized letter exempting them from all further legal action, and they will give him back Pierre, perfectly intact. "Minus his virginity, of course. But don't worry, you'll still have yours," Max mercilessly mocks. "Ugh, 30 years in the cutthroat world of puppets, and I'm undone by two crazy cupcake bitches!" J. Petto laments before leaving.



After hearing what J. Petto said, Caroline worries that their dream might be just as stupid as puppets and they will still be broke in 30 years. Max tells her they're not going to turn into him, because unlike them, he didn't have a best friend to tell him his dream was a stupid idea. She also says the shop is actually starting to take off, "'cause no one embraces a stupid idea like a hipster." They once again discuss getting insurance, but they quickly dismiss the chance of someone else falling in their shop. Let's just hope they're right about that.

Current total: $3,800.00

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