2 Broke Girls recap: And the Bear Truth

Yay! 2 Broke Girls has finally returned from its midseason break. I know you guys missed my recaps, but please, hold your applause.

At the girls' cupcake shop, a large fiercely real girl named Dottie is tasting cupcakes for a possible cupcake wedding cake. Max, however, is convinced that there's no wedding, and it's just a ploy so she can get free cupcakes. Caroline thinks Dottie could be the real deal, but Max insists they have to crack her bullshit "before she eats our cupcakes and then us." Max starts peppering Dottie with questions about her wedding. "That's a tampon commercial," Caroline says to Max when Dottie says it will be a barefoot beach wedding. Her fiancé walks in and they start kissing, but Max is still suspicious: "He's either an out-of-work actor she hired, or he has cake in his mouth."

Adele, is that you?

At the diner, Han announces he will be running a raffle to win a luxury weekend vacation in the country. Sophie shows up and puts her business card in the raffle container, before announcing she will be pulling the winner, which turns out to be Max's Homemade Cupcakes. Earl reveals he put their card in and took a few out, because he felt the girls could use a vacation. "It was so nice of Earl to enter us," Caroline remarks innocently. "Oh, stop! He's like my father," Max replies. Caroline is worried about leaving the shop, as she thinks Dottie might come back and order cupcakes for her wedding. Max is convinced that there is no wedding and she ate all the cupcakes. Andy walks in, and Caroline tells him the exciting news, which he mistakes for an invitation. Caroline tells Max that Andy can tag along since it's a two-room suite, but he doesn't have to know he's the third wheel. Caroline then tells Andy the exact same thing about Max not needing to know she's the third wheel.

The next day, during their road trip, Caroline suggests playing "I spy." "I spy... something annoying," Max says. "Is it me?" Caroline asks. "Yes!" Max exclaims. "I knew the joke was on me, but I love to win!" Caroline says. "You are not annoying. You're adorable," Andy tells Caroline. "I spy a big mangina," Max taunts. "Is it me?" Andy asks. "Yes!" Max replies. If my memory serves me right, this is the first time I've heard the word "mangina" on network TV. Caroline gets a phone call from Dottie, but it drops due to bad reception. Andy reminds her that they're getting away for fun. Max reveals that that area of the mountains is known for alien abductions.

They finally get to the cabin, and Max is particularly taken with a swinging bed, which is suspended from the ceiling by four ropes. "Some say it's like being rocked to sleep in the arms of God," Roger, the creepy owner, says. "It's a sex bed, Roger," Max replies. Unfortunately, they find out that the adjoining room is not included in the package, and all the other cabins are booked. Max gives up the bed to Caroline and Andy, and volunteers to sleep on the couch. An excited Caroline tells Max about the text she got from Dottie about a big cupcake order, but Andy reminds her once again that the weekend should be about them. Max decides to hit the sauna, hoping she'll be abducted on her way. Caroline says she will go with her, and she assures Andy that it's not to talk about work (which she will do anyway, though), but because Max can't go alone, as there might be bears out there.

Max is not very impressed by the sauna. "People pay for the privilege of sitting in decades of ass sweat?" She goes to get some water, and on her way back, she tells Caroline there are two bears coming their way. Two big, hairy bears of the gay variety—Deke, a dermatologist ("This one's the king of face creaming"), and Dirk, an astrophysicist. Upon learning his occupation, Max asks Dirk if he believes in aliens. "Oh, I do, and I believe they're living among us. I'm looking at you, Christina Ricci!" he replies. The bears are staying in the adjoining cabin, and they're celebrating their manniversary. Caroline pulls out a business card from her towel and gives it to the bears. "You brought a business card to a sauna? I don't wanna know where you kept that," Max says. "Max's Homemade Cupcakes," Deke reads out. "Or in your case, 'cubcakes'" Caroline jokes.

At the trio's cabin, Roger serves them dinner for two. Caroline asks if they could order another meal, but Roger says it will cost extra. Max and Caroline sit at the table and start eating, completely oblivious of Andy's presence. When Caroline realizes it, she apologizes and tells him to sit and eat while she orders dinner for herself. Andy tells her she can sit instead, but she insists he sits since it's their special weekend, while she takes a hot shower. Andy asks Max if she could visit the bears so he can have a few hours alone with Carolinehe's looking forward to some birthday sex, as they haven't done it since the shop started taking up the girls' time. When Caroline comes back out, Max, knowing that Caroline forgot his birthday, subtly tries to remind her of it, but Caroline ultimately admits she forgot it, only to find out his birthday is tomorrow.

As Max notices things are getting tense, she starts banging on the door to Deke and Dirk's cabin. Max makes a remark about Caroline and Andy jump-starting their sex life again, and Caroline is not at all happy that Andy told Max they haven't had sex in a while. "Oh, God, I wish I was a cartoon, so I could run right through this door and leave behind a body-shaped hole," Max says. Dirk finally opens the door, happily inviting Max in. Meanwhile, in order to make up for her mishap, Caroline tries to entice Andy to have sex by doing some weird-ass dance in the sex bedincluding an attempt at twerkingbut it makes her nauseous. She wonders if it's really been that long since they last had sex. "Sweetie, after that dance, it's hard to believe you've ever had sex," Andy mocks. He asks Caroline where she sees herself in a year, and she has great hopes—the cupcake business taking off, opening another store, getting a bigger apartment. But Andy doesn't feel he has a place in her future.

Girl does like to shake it. Remember when she danced an Amish boy to death?

At the cabin next door, Max and the bears are wearing matching flannel nightshirts, having cookies and milk in bed. She promises she won't stay there all night ("Don't wanna get trapped in the middle of your Country Bear Jamboree"), but Deke assures she's perfectly safe in that bed, as he and Dirk haven't had sex in a year. Of course, Dirk is not too pleased about Deke's disclosure. "Mother ship, make it happen! This is the time to abduct me!" Max pleads. Caroline walks in and tells Max she can come back, now that Andy has left. In order to comfort her, Deke invites her to get in bed with them and cuddle for a little while, which she does.

Back at the shop, Andy comes in. Caroline surprises Andy with a birthday cupcake, telling him to blow the candle atop it, but he doesn't really feel like doing that. "Welcome to our world," Max says as she enters the kitchen. See what she did there? Caroline apologizes for forgetting Andy's birthday. He says that although he admires her ambition, he wants to be more than someone she "gets to eventually," and suggests they take a break. "Are you saying 'take a break' 'cause you really mean 'break up', but you're trying to be nice?" she asks. "Maybe, yeah," he replies. "It's gonna be hard not to see you," Caroline says. "Yeah, it will be. I work 10 feet away," Andy says as a heartbroken Caroline watches him leave. Dottie shows up with her equally chubby bridesmaids for a cupcake tasting. "This is the time to take me! Come on, final offer! E.T.?! Alf?! Christina Ricci?!" Max says in comic desperation.

Current total: $900.00

Aw, this is so sad and unexpected. I actually like Andy, he sort of looks like a young Matthew McConaughey. Do you guys think there's still a chance for Candy (Caroline + Andy, obvs)? Or is this really their end?