Things I Didn't Think I'd Have To Say

While you and your husband seem like a nice couple, I don't want to partake in what you do with each other on a carnal level.

this post is dedicated to Kim and Natalie Wood. Doesn't she look like Mila Kunis there?
Nope, don't see me in there. Nope. 

I used to think these invitations were hil-AR-ious. Like, do they not realize I'm the most awkward person on the planet and it would just be uncomfortable for all involved? Like a raft ride at an amusement park? 

I suppose these something-something-something amorous couple think all not-heterosexual girls are wishing to um, join in on their fun and essentially play as a pincushion. Well, I am sure girls like that exist, but I am not one. Nope. Not me.

By the way, why does the term "PILLOW PRINCESS" exist?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for progress and sexual liberation; I just wish I wasn't asked on a weekly basis to do these things. Like, really? I'm on a dating site, NOT adult friend finder. 

Like, here's a month of messages I get:

Week 1:  My husband and me, you know, we can share you and stuff.


Week 2:  My boyfriend wants to spice things up.

Cool, go to Chipotle.

Week 3:  You seem cute, HE CAN JUST WATCH.

Nope. Do I look like some kind of fetishist slut? It must be the glasses.

Week 4:  What are you looking for? We're a very hot couple.

Note- I filled out the "what I am looking for" section. closing, please leave me alone, threesome-seeking couples. I am not impressed and a little disturbed. Also, Craiglist casual encounters seems, um. Like it works?

???? Cara, you can elaborate.

Although, I would consider having a threesome with these two:

not even kidding.


  1. chipotle isn't even that spicy, it's just delicious for everyone involved. going to chipotle is the absolute right decision in every situation.

    oh, um, comments about swinging...

  2. Your awesomeness was shinning through on this piece BK. Funny haha, and funny strange on so many levels. To be honest, I am a little concerned, are you sure you filled put your profile correctly?

  3. HAHAHA.

    (I'm the reason the term "pillow princess" exists.)

  4. So true and annoying to deal with. I love the Chipotle comment.

    1. thank you! some people just don't get's not rocket science!


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