2 Broke Girls recap: And the Candy Manwich

The diner is full of people using the free Wi-Fi, but no one's tipping or even ordering. In order to get the "deadbeat diners" ordering something other than just coffee ("This is not a Starbucks. And I know that because we don't sell Norah Jones CDs or bananas"), Max takes the wireless router and threatens to pull the plug on the Internet. "And you—that sad email you're in the middle of writing to your ex-boyfriend, the one you shouldn't send anyway—gone. And you—that vaguely pornographic anime film you've been illegally downloading for the past three hours—gone. And you—that screenplay you've been writing, you can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends: With you moving back in with your mother," Max lashes out. She really is the epitome of badassery. The customers quickly start ordering after such intimidating words, but when Max asks Caroline to put the router back in place, the blonde dumb-dumb accidentally unplugs it, much to everyone's dismay.


From behind the counter, Max and Caroline observe two girls sitting at a table, laughing hysterically nonstop over cocktails. Seeing these girls having a great time without a care in the world makes Caroline realize that she and Max are not having fun and all they do is work. Max decides to take Caroline to a place in Williamsburg called Soup Kitchen, which Caroline thinks is an upscale urban bistro designed to look like a soup kitchen open to everyone, but when a homeless man comes in and sits at a table, she realizes the place really is a soup kitchen. Max explains that although homeless people may be the target audience, there's a lot of other people who can't afford to go out to eat.

"Why are there so many hipsters here?" Caroline asks. "Because this place isn't just for people who don't have jobs, it's for people who don't want them", Max replies. Caroline asks one of the serving nuns for the menu. The nun says there is no menu as it changes every day and only has, like, four things. Caroline then asks what she recommends. "Don't share needles and use condoms. But you didn't hear that last one from me," the nun says before walking away. "Are nuns even allowed to be sarcastic?" Caroline asks. "If they are, I have some serious thinking to do about my future," Max says.


As Max and Caroline enjoy some sloppy joes, a cute guy walks into the restaurant, and both the girls find him hot. "Let's go get ourselves some of that manwich," Caroline says. They find out from the nuns that his name is Andy, and he just opened a candy store across the way, Candy Andy's Sweets & Treats, which instantly draws Max's interest as she loves candy. The girls are trying to decide which one should go for him. "He's clean and not a drug addict, so he's more my type," Caroline says. "Well, he's got a store full of candy and a penis, so he's more my type," Max says. That would be my argument as well. Max ultimately decides to let Caroline have him so she can steal some candy while Caroline has sex with him in the back room.

Caroline notices the store is closed. "You know what'd be fun?" she asks. "If we threw that trash can through the front window?" Max suggests. LOL, she's so gangsta. Caroline was actually going to say they should leave him a note. They notice the sign's turned around, and he's smiling at them! Caroline wonders if they should go in. "If I learned anything as a child, it's when a stranger offers you candy, you say yes," Max says. By the way, Andy is played by Ryan Hansen of Veronica Mars fame.


Wow, he looks cuter than I remember. The new haircuit definitely made him look even hotter. Andy admits that he turned the sign around because we wanted the girls to come in. Caroline and Andy are hitting it off while Max is literally like a kid in a candy store. "It's like we're inside Willy Wonka's colon," she says. Andy decides to hook the girls up with some treats on the house. While Max is having a "gummy-gasm," Andy asks Caroline out for coffee sometime. However, Caroline starts feeling weird all of a sudden. "Is it hot and cold in here?" she asks. "Relax, it's just your ladyparts waking up from hibernation," Max says. BAHAHAHA! Caroline keeps gagging repeatedly until she runs to the bathroom to throw up. She even stops at one point to turn up the volume on Andy's record player so the music muffles the sound of her vomiting (that was hilarious). She comes out a while later, sweatily, only to throw up on Andy and his floor. Yuck.

"Word vomit. No, wait a minute... Actual vomit."

Later on at the diner, Caroline wonders why Max didn't get sick as well since they ate the exact same sloppy joe at the soup kitchen. "You must still have rich-girl stomach. I'm used to poor food," Max explains. Andy walks in, bringing little bags of candy with invites to a party at his candy store. Caroline comes out of the kitchen, but once she sees him at the diner, she whirls back inside. Max says that Caroline is just a little embarrassed. Andy tells Max he'll hook her up with unlimited candy for the rest of her life if she can talk Caroline into going to the party. After he leaves, Max goes up to Caroline to tell her about the invitations to Andy's party, but Caroline is worried that she destroyed any chance she had with him. "You didn't destroy anything. And it's good to let him know right off the bat that you have a gag reflex," Max says. HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! This has got to be the dirtiest joke to ever come out of this show. Caroline refuses to go the party, even though Max thinks they're perfect for each other. "You're like Hansel and Gretel," she remarks. "They were brother and sister," Caroline says. "So?" Max asks. My sentiments exactly.

Max goes to the party, and Andy is sad that Caroline didn't make it. He reveals that he used to work on Wall Street pushing stock in pharmaceutical companies, which also grabs Max's interest: "You know people who have access to pills? Just when I thought you couldn't get any better." She suggests they go back to her place so he can talk to Caroline. At their apartment, Caroline is nowhere to be found, so Max goes to the bathroom to pee, but when she opens the door, she finds Caroline pleasuring herself in the bathtub (à la Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23). Max doesn't realize what's going on at first, but when she does, she quickly closes the door. "I thought you'd be home feeling bad for yourself, not feeling your bad self," Max says. Caroline, completely unaware of Andy's presence, comes out and asks Max what she's doing home already. Max looks at Caroline as if to warn her that Andy is standing right behind her, but Caroline thinks she's just being judgmental. "Don't look at me like that, it's not like I'm the only person in the world who masturbates," Caroline says. Max finally tells her Andy's there. OH, SHIT. "We wanted to surprise you," an awkward Andy says. "But then you surprised us," Max says. Caroline's sole reaction is to go back into the bathroom. Oh, dear...



At the diner, Max mocks Caroline about her little onanistic incident. Andy shows up, but Caroline is too embarrassed to see him. "He's already seen you at your worst. You vomited and masturbated, that's your full range," Max "comforts" her. To make Caroline feel better, Andy takes off his bathrobe to reveal a cropped top underneath, and to further his embarrassment, he proceeds to do gymnastics in public—more precisely, a backflip, which Caroline says is amazing, not embarrassing. "Then come back to my house and watch me masturbate," he suggests. Now we're talking, dear. "Or we could just get coffee," he continues. Max is thrilled—not for Caroline, but for herself. "I'm getting unlimited candy and maybe some pills."


Current total: $1128.00

Well, I was right when I said 2 Broke Girls would bounce back this week. This episode delivered so many hilarious one-liners that had me laughing really hard, so mission accomplished. And since candy was a recurring theme in this episode, I'll wrap up this recap with one of the most candylicious songs of this year:



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