2 Broke Girls recap: And the Pearl Necklace

FYI, I only allowed myself to watch the new season premiere of Revenge after finishing this post, which is a big deal considering I was initially unsure about going on with the weekly recaps. So here it is! Get ready 'cause this episode is even funnier than that of last week—and more packed with pop culture references than ever.

This episode opens with Max's occasional self-deprecating humor. "Hi, I'm gonna be your waitress 'cause my mother drank," she says, as she serves a group of four "quirky" hipster girls. One of the girls say that they need a sec, and then proceeds with her life-changing story: "Then he said to me, 'Dude, your vagina is weird.'" Another girl replies, "Dude, that's insane. It is so not weird. Your vagina's awesome!" Girl #1 turns to Max and says she's ready. "Now I need a sec," Max declares, then walks away. "
I can't say it anymore. The vagina's gone mainstream. What's next? A clothing line at Target?" she laments to Caroline, who suggests that they pick a cuter word for it, like cookie. "It sounds like a good idea until you walk past a bunch of Girl Scouts selling their cookies on the street." I just love the meta-humor in this scene. Most of you probably know that ever since it premiere, 2 Broke Girls has caused a certain uproar over its open use of supposedly controversial words such as "vagina." Kudos to the writers.

It's like the hipster version of Sex and the City

We now see a flashback of the first season finale, when the girls stalked Martha Stewart at the Met Ball and had her taste their beer batter maple bacon spring break cupcake in the ladies' room, resulting in Martha asking for their business card. Back to the present time, Caroline can't find her phone, and she wants to take a picture of a bad tip and put it on Instagram. In response, Max present us with some valuable words of wisdom: "Let me sum it up: Twitter is stupid, and Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read." Caroline comes up with the idea of calling her own phone from Max's phone. And this is Caroline's ringtone:

YES, the iconic "Milkshake" by Queen Kelis. Turns out her phone was in Max's pocket, and Caroline asks her why she had it in her apron. "Is that the big question, really? 'Cause I think the bigger question is, why is your ringtone 'My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard'?" Max says, to which Caroline answers, "If you have to ask that, you clearly have not seen my milkshake." Sassy. Max explains that she wanted Caroline's phone to check if Martha Stewart called them yet. Caroline attempts to ease her, saying she has their business card and she'll call, but Max is still not happy and goes on to call Martha a "cake tease." Caroline is still positive that everything's gonna work out, considering they didn't even have a cupcake business a year ago. "Look how far we've come," she concludes. "I haven't come at all, thanks to the cake tease," Max laments, before launching into a hilarious Martha Stewart impression.

"HOW DARE YOU! Martha Stewart is not a cake tease!!"

Han walks in looking like he was, in Caroline's words, "hit by a Mardi Gras and a Gay Pride float."

He has just returned from the Manhattan Restaurant Trade Show with a big announcement. "Well, more like a 5'1" announcement," Max mocks. He announces that he's changing the diner to a state-of-the-art computer "power touch" ordering system for food and checks, but Max says she's not going to learn anything new, and she works at the diner because, well, she has no skills. Han says she doesn't have to learn it because it's a very smart machine and it will help her. "That's how it started with machines in
The Matrix. Next thing you know, the human race was enslaved," she replies. When Han walks away, Earl says that if Han starts using a new system, he won't be able to use his old system where he skims money from the diner so he can give the girls extra tips. That's filthy.

Now it's Sophie who walks in, and when Caroline hands her the menu, Sophie asks where the little Asian woman is. She's talking about Han, naturally. Oleg shows up with a gift bag for Sophie, containing edible underwear, her favorite microwavable (!) lube and... toothbrushes. "That's going to hurt you, but okay," she says, clearly misunderstanding its use. He actually wants to leave them at her house, now that they're exclusive. "Exclusive?" she asks over a merciless laugh. "Caroline, did you think Sophie and I were exclusive?" he asks. "Well, you have stopped showing us your penis," Caroline answers. That's exactly my definition of exclusive.

At the girls' apartment, Max is on the phone pretending to be Michelle Obama while trying to contact Martha Stewart. "Max, it didn't work when you were Mick Jagger with a busted muffin tin, or Alicia Keys with a wonky shower curtain. And it really didn't work when you were Steve Jobs back from the dead with thoughts on her panini press," Caroline remarks, then takes Max's phone and her own phone as well, which she found out to be with Max by calling her own phone again (we get to hear the priceless "Milkshake" ringtone one more time). Max is still upset that Martha hasn't called yet. "My milkshake would totally bring her to the yard." Caroline is worried about Max, saying she's not being her usual strong, badass self. Max confesses, "I was a virgin before Martha, okay? No one ever told me I was good at anything before her. And you never forget your first rich white woman." To some extent I actually sort of relate to this. Well, minus the "rich white woman" bit. Caroline, however, just knows that they're going to build a successful cupcake business, with or without Martha Stewart. She claims that her pearl necklace, which she has worn every day since she was evicted from her townhouse, brings her luck, and putting on these pearls every day makes her feel strong, confident, and like anything is possible. Then Caroline accidentally breaks her pearl, and some of the pearls fall into Max's cupcake batter. Oh, crap! Caroline freaks out, and while Max helps her pick them up, Chestnut walks in and starts eating the batter! "Here comes the bad luck," Caroline announces, but Max says that her luck couldn't get any worse. I wouldn't be so sure: right after taking the batter away from Chestnut, Caroline slips on a pearl and ends up dumping the batter all over herself!!

Surprisingly, no dirty joke was made in this scene

The following day at the diner, Caroline is insecure without her pearl necklace, and feels like everyone's staring at her chest area. "Welcome to my life, every day since I was nine," Max declares. Finally, Max decides she's done waiting for Martha to call, and suggest that they go down to her office with some cupcakes to remind her how much she liked them, but Caroline can't go without her pearlsto her it's more than just the luck, it's a reminder of her old, privileged life, before she lost everything. But Max is convinced that there is no luck, there is only work. "So I am going down there myself, and if Martha won't help me, I'ma bust her kneecaps with a rolling pin and then say, 'Now
that's a good thing.'" She's back, everyone. Han shows the girls a cupcake from the new Sprinkles vending machine. By the way, it's real. Oh, how I wish I were in the States right now so I could try it. SOON. Caroline is afraid they can't compete with that, but Max is not willing to give in: "This is where the humans fight. This is where we march down to Martha Stewart and demand a damn blurb, so we can compete with the machines... Just like in Terminator 2: Rise of the Desserts." HELL YEAH!

At Martha's office building, the girls come across the cupcake machine Han mentioned before. "I was hoping it'd be ugly, but it's pink and really cute. It's like a gay R2-D2. Well, a
gayer R2-D2," Caroline says. I gotta say, I'm loving the pop culture references in this episode. Max puts her street smarts to use and pulls a spray paint can out of her purse. When Caroline asks why she carries it in her purse, Max replies, "For the same reason I carry a tampon, 'cause you never know." Caroline is not on board, and she takes the can away from Max, who then comes up with the idea of opening the machine's little door and putting a poop in it; she even suggested getting some "puppy poop" from the street. EWWW.

Max and Caroline try to explain to the receptionist, Susan, that they already met Martha, and she asked for their card in the ladies' room, but she just keeps repeating everything they say in a rather mocking tone. Max says that Martha told them she liked their entrepreneurial drive, which convinces Susan to send their cupcakes up to Martha. Caroline even offers a cupcake to Susan so she can see for herself why Martha asked for their card. But when Susan takes a bite, she cracks her tooth on a pearl that accidentally fell into the cupcake batter when Caroline's necklace broke. I LOL'd so much at this. "Look at it over there. Gay R2-D2 just laughing at us," Caroline says of the cupcake machine, on their way out. In an attempt to put on a badass act, Caroline pulls out Max's spray paint can, determined to take matters into her own hands (i.e., deface the machine). Max warns her there's a
security guard right there, but it's too late: the guard spots them and they run out of the building like crazy!

Outside, when they're sure they lost him, Max asks Caroline, "You know you only tagged the wall, right?" to which Caroline replies, "Yes, I have no luck." "No one has any luck... With the possible exception of Lindsay Lohan's lawyer." OMG, Lilo! In a sudden turn of events, Max sees Martha getting in a car across the street, so she decides to go after her with the cupcakes before Martha talks to that receptionist whose mouth they (hilariously) broke. However, just when she's about to cross the street, she turns around as Caroline tells her not to jiggle the cupcakes, causing Max to be hit by a taxi! God, I laughed so, so hard at this part! Caroline runs desperately to rescue Max. "No broken bones, which is surprising, because when I was kid, we couldn't afford milk. Actually, the only time my mother bought milk was when my face was on the side of the carton." Max's childhood would be tragic if it wasn't so funny. Max then realizes, "I guess there is such a thing as luck." Also, Max being hit by the taxi was so funny it screamed for a GIF:


In another attempt to make the diner "state-of-the-art," Han shows up with yet another device, but as soon as he hits the button, the electricity goes off. Max pulls out a bag with some of the pearls she managed to find at home, so Caroline can remake the necklace.
Caroline suggests that they add the bonus money they got from Earl to their cupcake business total. "Yeah, that 150 will really put a dent in the 250,000 we need," Max says. But Caroline is confident that they'll get there, because they have something Martha Stewart and machines don't. "Unpaid bills? Mushrooms growing on our bathroom rug?" Max asks. "No, each other," Caroline answers. "Aww, a year later you're still trying to get me to feel things," Max says. Caroline says that the real reason why she thought the necklace was lucky is because she was wearing it the day she met Max, who smiles in response. That's exactly one of the many things I love about this show. :') Caroline then asks Max if she doesn't want to make a necklace for herself, since she has extra pearls. "Nah, I've had plenty of pearl necklaces, and I find them more sticky than lucky." HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAH! I can't believe they waited so long to make a pearl necklace joke. Caroline receives an email on her phone from Martha Stewart herself, saying she hasn't forgotten about the girls!

Current total: $877.00