Open Letter To Jim Carrey/Rick Santorum Sweater Vest Love Song


HI JIM, IT'S ME, BRITTANY

 oh hey I thought I told you to leave me alone, crazy twitter bitch!

Jim I like you. I've liked you since The Mask so that's an awful long time. 2012 - 1994 = holy shit I'm ancient! but I know we haven't talked lately. I respect that. life happens, man, when you are making other plans.

first things FIRST, where is your Rick Santorum sweater vest?


seriously where IS IT JIM, YOU MUST HAVE ONE, THIS SON OF A BITCH IS GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD


hail our new fashion leader. you go girl!


HE GETS IT

Well, now that I've successfully drilled that point into your head, Jim, I wanted to tell you something recently caught my eye about your romantic life. Not that it is any of my business, because it's not. But yeah, you want Emma Stone to be your babymomma, yeah?


I do not blame you. She's hot, funny, witty, smart, seemingly kind....I'm not above it! 

but you were like, in your frankly a little weird video (I'mnotaboveit) back in August, I AM TOO OLD 4 U. Child please. Did this ever stop Hugh Hefner or Woody Allen?


OR A RICK SANTORUM SWEATER VEST FROM HAPPENING

listen bb. take a cue from the vests. Emma Stone is totes in your age group. TOTES. seriously, like it matters, you were in The Mask. go play Yahtzee with her! or better yet, Life, which is an awesome yet depressing game. Maybe some Jenga?

GO WINE AND DINE HER. show up at her house and be like "I hope you like Backyard Burgers because I have a gift certificate there."

I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, AND SO DO THE LEGION OF SWEATER VESTS

love, Brittany

DON'T GIVE UP!!!!

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