why I am torn on wanting to see the Pooh movie.

To be fair, I am not a fan of kids movies. Even when I was a kid I wasn't that much. I liked them, but I often gravitated towards the PG-slanted fare. Or, to be real with you, I made my parents rent The Royal Tenebaums. Which my dad hated more than anything I've ever showed him ("WHAT IS THIS SHIT.") 


But the whole Pooh series, books and movies and TV shows, has always held a special place in my weird dank heart. probably because that's like one of my biggest memories of those very strange days before I started school and was stuck at home with my mom every afternoon. I watched a lot of Pooh. I read the books, or tried to. A.A. Milne wrote them because his son was sick, yeah? Or they were his son's bedtime stories. In Poohverse, as I recall, there is a big schism between what Disney perceived as his stories and the actual authentic stories. This happens whenever Disney touches anything, though. NOT SURPRISING.


But I am not really a fan of Milne's Pooh. SHUT UP I WASN'T WEANED ON THAT PERIOD STUFF I LIKED THE RABBITS BOOKS WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT OF ME.


Anyway, flash forward to the year 2011 (THE PRESENT) when I don't think of anything vaguely reminiscent of my childhood or Pooh or how trees used to be exotic shapes or how my grandma's backyard used to be a jungle a la Predator. nope, don't think about these things remotely. our minds change as we get older, perspectives and all. it is sad. 


while at home, I saw they were making another Pooh movie. If I had a kid (Idontwantkidsforalongtimeatall) maybe this would be more relevant in my life at the moment. I'd be like, oh Zelda Fitzgerald Brittanica Gwen Stefani Kempius, let's sojourn to the movies when you come back from Swedish boarding school! (and because I imagine my future daughter walking out of me like Elle Fanning, she would just sigh and hang up the ONE ROTARY PHONE THE PLACE LETS THEM USE HAHA WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT BITCH).


but then I, for whatever reason, decided to Wikipedia Pooh Bear. Because I was like "why can they still make movies about him losing his honey?" (I remember that being the foremost premise of the show usually and also why is Keane on the previews I AM SURE POOH WOULD NOT LISTEN TO KEANE HE'D BE LIKE STARSAILOR ALL THE WAY). And what did I find?




yes, most of the soundtrack is She & Him. which is adorable and part of me is like "Zooey got married she wants kids awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" other part of- the more cynical and jaded part is like- DOLLAR SIGNS. But look at how cute they are! They don't think like that!


so now I am wondering:  do I go see this movie? do I feel like a pervert in the middle of a crowded Chuck E Cheeses? Because it's just going to be this girl alone and a bunch of screaming three-year-olds. Plus I can predict the plot a mile away. Two miles. MORE HONEY. Oh, Pooh. you are such a crack addict.








TRUST ME I KNOW.


The safe bet is to wait for when I can rent it in like October and not be embarrassed that my adult life is meeting my childhood somewhere in the middle in the name of Zooey Deschanel and company. huzzah! that's not supposed to happen. you die and are reborn many, many times. I barely remember who I was three years ago. that girl was killed by my own hand. here's a coloring book page to leave this entry on:






Comments

  1. how could no one comment on this. I laughed so hard I sprayed pee on everything.

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  2. I am glad SOMEONE read it! spray pee sounds territorial.

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