Let me start by explaining that I am not an Oprah fanatic. I have watched her show maybe three times in my life—mostly as a way to spend time with my grandmother—and while I liked The Oprah Winfrey Show well enough, it was never something I made an effort to watch. (I have been reading her magazine and LOVING IT and basing my life around it since I was 12 years old, but that’s an entirely different story.) Make no mistake, I think she is awesome. It just feels weird to say that when I’ve hardly ever heard her voice. Anyway, there’s no escaping Oprah, and I think that the end of her 25 years on TV is significant for most people, whether they watch her or not. Oprah kind of represents the American dream. She is the quintessential rags to riches—and I’m not even being totally metaphorical, because she’s, what, the richest woman in the world? You’ve probably seen parts of what’s been happening on Oprah in the last week. Surprises, celebrities, lots of screaming and laughing and crying. Beyonce, Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, just total crazy times. I love that. And I kind of thought that’s what the last show would be like. But it was completely different: it was just Oprah onstage, and she was the only one there. To be honest, once I realized that she was just going to be talking for the full hour, I thought: is this going to be boring? But no, of course, it wasn’t. It was quiet, yes. It was very simple. Oprah came out in a very nice pink dress and she looked very composed and regal. And she stayed that way throughout the whole hour. She barely even cried. It was amazing. Oprah talked about all the Oprah-esque things that we’ve been hearing from her for the past quarter century: being your true self, living your best life, helping others, being grateful, knowing that you are worthy and you matter. I guess normally it would just make me feel cheesy and uncomfortable to hear someone talking earnestly about those things, as true and important as they are. With anyone else, it would feel like okay, thank you counselor, can I go back to real life now? But Oprah is sort of the original true-self-finder. She is probably one of the nicest people you’ve never met. People make fun of her, but there’s not really anything mean-spirited they can say about her except that maybe her hair looked bad in 1989.
She’s a real, honest-to-goodness person and I love her. The end. Also, Stedman rocks so hard. He has been with Oprah the whole way, and when Oprah was walking out at the end of the show he pumped his fist in the air for her. You cannot beat a strong, smart life partner with a sweet moustache. Oprah’s new email address firstname.lastname@example.org, if you want to drop her a line. I might! Hee!