open letters (monday edition)

Dear Kate and Wills,

WHERE AM I ON THE OFFICIAL WEDDING LIST? DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE HOUSE WE SHARED AT ST. ANDREW'S? IT WAS ALL LIKE

Kate Middleton
Prince William
Brittany Kemp

AND IT MADE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER, BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD. SCRABBLE/FRIENDS NIGHT WAS A BLAST.

SO NOW JOSS STONE OBVIOUSLY HAS MY INVITE. WTF @#$%(o#%#$_#$# YYYyyyYYYYYY

Dear Mel Gibson,

I had an idea for your next movie. It should be about Jesus being in Hell for one day. I know you love that crazy religious shit. So basically:  the Christian Weekend At Bernie's.


Dear Reese Witherspoon,

TOTES AS EXCITED AS YOU ARE FOR ROYAL WEDDING. lylas!

Dear Clay Aiken,

WHERE are you hiding these days? sry your record label dropped you. two words for next album:  David Guetta!

Dear Ryan Adams,

way to open for Emmylou Harris and NOT TO ANNOUNCE IT aghghghg I hate you but I love you so much send Mandy Moore my <3.

Dear Lilo,

Child you are beyond help. I pray for you.

Dear Gwen Stefani,

YOU GAVE CHOCOLATE BUNNIES TO PAPARAZZI? BITCH SEND ME A CADBURY EGG.


Dear Coco,

WHO ARE YOU?

Dear Carla Bruni,

CONGRATS on the baby. wish it was mine. next time, maybe? xoxoxox

Dear Beyonce and Jay-Z,

WHY ARE YOU PERFORMING AT THE ROYAL WEDDING?
GO TO ANOTHER GRIZZLY BEAR CONCERT TOGETHER.

life.
s'hard.

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