Kurt's life in music, or a rather stalkerish open letter to PJ Harvey.

1979 Blondie: Eat to the Beat “Heart of Glass”
Holy shit, I was still a baby but man, I loved Blondie. Still do, I suppose. I think they’ve weathered the storm of life fairly well. Emily Haines should take a cue from the immortal Debbie Harry on how to be strung out all the fucking time but still make great music (I’m talking about “Live it Out,” Emily.)

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, is Debbie coked out of her mind in this video, or what?

1980 Pat Benatar: Crimes of Passion “You Better Run"
There is nothing quite more pants-wetting than 1980s Pat Benatar. "Hit me with your best shot" is by far the best known track from this album, but "You Better Run" just exudes sex and fury.

Those pants are so hot. I've got to go change my panties now.

1981 Joan Jett & The Blackhearts: I Love Rock and Roll "Crimson and Clover"
God, talk about pants-wetting. Again, not going with the obvious choice. Another example of a rocker who has aged well. Have you seen her recently? It's like she's found the secret to eternal youth....Wait, didn't Kristen Stewart play her in The Runaways? And KStew was fucking a vampire in those godawful "vampire" movies. JOAN JETT IS A VAMPIRE.

SHOULDERPADS

1982 Peter Gabriel: Security "Shock the Monkey"
When he sings "Cover me, when I run" I orgasm every time. God, isn't this video weird? I guess it's about animal abuse? I think? Peter Gabriel is one of my favorite musicians. I remember listening to the record of this when I was a bit older (4 maybe?) and reading the lyrics and not having any idea what they meant. I guess I still don't, and that's why I love him.


1983 Cyndi Lauper: She's So Unusual "Money Changes Everything"
Now we're getting somewhere! Cyndi Lauper is one of my goddesses, one of my muses, if you will. In retrospect, if there ever was a moment I knew I was a big old ball of queer, it was watching Cyndi strut about in this video. That hair! Those clothes! Do you see how absolutely relevant it all is?! Robyn, Lady Gaga, and (sadly) Ke$ha have all copied her. You know it's true.

Oh, and at around 4:40, she flies up into the air in a motherfucking trashcan!

1984 Patty Smyth and Scandal "The Warrior"
Hmmm, guys running around in spandex in some weird post-apocalyptic world. And an 80s fight club. Lady Gaga, Patty Smyth called--no, not the one that wrote that memoir--she wants her clothes and concept back.

My favorite line: Your eyes touch me physically (uhm...gross)

1985 "We are the World"
FUCK YOU I WAS FIVE AND THEY PLAYED IT ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME ON MTV

LOL Bruce Springsteen looks like he's taking a rough shit when he sings.

1986 Janet Jackson: Control "Pleasure Principle"
Hot hot sweaty Janet. Something about this song makes me want to dance around and do angry step aerobics in an abandoned studio (where is she exactly? the set for Flashdance? if so, where is Jennifer Beals slutting it up?). In my underwear. This album was so fucking good. It's a shame she hasn't made anything good since Rhythm Nation (except for "If", my god that song).

Oh! Broken mirror breakdown! So totally Black Swan.

1987 Tiffany: "I think we're alone now"
Fuck you, Ke$ha. I don't see you doing any mall tours. If history repeats, when you're in your 40s, you'll pose for some porno mags and be an "actress" in the latest Syfy original movie. Enjoy it while it lasts, you whore.
But I digress...wasn't Tiffany like twelve when she sang this song about fucking discreetly? Okay, maybe thirteen.


1988 Lita Ford: Lita "Kiss me Deadly"
"I went to a party last Saturday night, I didn't get laid, I got in a fight..." Tell me about it, Lita! Man, she was kinda old when she made this. Or maybe it was all the fabulous 80s cocaine. Either way, still one of the hottest bad ass old rocker bitches ever.

Ice is hot. Get it?

1989 Madonna: Like a Prayer "Express Yourself"

This was a hard year to pick. We had Madonna going down on a black Jesus, the B52s were rocking in the Love Shack with RuPaul, and Nenah Cherry was Raw Like Sushi (OMG that's so dirty! I just now got that!). Anyway, Madonna in her prime. The costumes in this vid are enough to make Tim Gunn cream. God, and she's got a dog collar on! She's lost her pussy! She's crawling around on the floor, and licks a bowl of cream! THIS IS PORNOGRAPHY


1990 C + C Music Factory: Gonna Make you Sweat "Things that Make you go Hmmm"
"Chill baby baby chill baby baby wait!" OMG I HATE TO TELL YOU I LOVED THIS ALBUM EVEN THOUGH THEY SCREWED MARTHA WASH OUT OF VOCAL CREDIT

Nifty video, I think.


1991 Roxette "Joyride"
God, these lyrics really were awful. And the video was pretty terrible. Oh, but that chorus! I was originally gonna go with "I Touch Myself" by the Divynals, but I thought it was to obvious.

Plus, harlequin pants!!!

1992 Annie Lennox: Diva "Legend In My Living Room"
Fuuuuuck, she's so incredible. I think I want to be her for next Halloween. That, or Charlotte Rampling from The Night Porter. Same difference?


1993 Bjork: Debut "Big Time Sensuality"
Here we go, the time I really started paying attention to music. Oddly enough, my dad and I were watching an episode of Bevis and Butthead, and they watched her vid for "Human Behaviour." My dad hunted down the CD the next day. Thanks dad!
This vid captures Bjork at her kooky best, I think.

1994 Portishead: Dummy "Glory Box"
Whoa, I never saw this vid before! Beth Gibbons in drag OMG. Anyway, this was my first trip hop album (or whatever). I was so intrigued by the (then) bizarre sounds, record scratching and samples. Wonderful.

1995 PJ Harvey: To Bring you my Love "Down By the Water"
O.M.God. This woman, this waifish girl with the peculiar looks took me by surprise when I heard her for the first time. I have declared my body and soul are hers. Whenever she wants to stop by and fuck my brains out is fine by me. One of the few female artists out there that has always made consistently intriguing music. You won't find an "Abnormally Attracted to Sin" in her discography.

This video is so draggy!

1996 Cat Power: What Would the Community Think "Nude as the News"
During the 90s, I had this habit of just buying CDs that had cool package design. It had about a 90% success rate. This is one of those albums. Even though I still think Cat Power is making decent music, this will always be my favorite. It's so sparse and sad and lovely. I distinctly recall listening to this on the bus on the way to school in the mornings. It fit the mood perfectly. Man, I really want to listen to it again.

1997 Sneaker Pimps: Becoming X "Spin spin sugar"
God, a lot of their videos are awful. But their songs are so good! They are quintessential 90s videos, when everyone was trying to be all David Fincher or Natural Born Killers or Tarantino. Sigh. This one splits the difference. Oh, and their stuff post Kelli is much better. And Chris Corner's IAMX is even better than that.
Licking milkshake off of mirror = hot. Singing on a toilet = only hot if you're Fiona Apple

1998 Garbage: Version 2.0 "I Think I'm Paranoid"
SHIRLEY MANSON FAP FAP FAP ORGASM

NAIL MY FAITH TO THE STICKING POLE


1999 EBTG: Temperamental "Five Fathoms"
TRACY THORN YOU ARE SO UNFORTUNATE LOOKING BUT YOU HAVE THE VOICE OF A SEXY ANGEL SO IT'S ALL GOOD. Your solo stuff is okay, too.

2000 PJ Harvey: Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea "This is Love"
What are you doing to me, PJ? The suit jacket with no top, no bra. You make me want to explode! This is a fabulous song on an album of fabulous songs. I WANT TO CHASE YOU ROUND THE TABLE, PJ.

2001 Rufus Wainwright: Poses "California"
Rufus, Rufus, Rufus. I hear that this was your "sex and drugs" album. Good for you! I think every artist needs at least one druggie album (or in Courtney Love's case, all of them). I'm glad you didn't die when your meth lab didn't explode, and I'm glad you didn't get the HIV. Now, can we talk about "Release the Stars"?

PS: I saw your dick in your tight leather pants when I saw you in Cleveland. I am eternally grateful.

2002 Tori Amos: Scarlet's Walk "Amber Waves"
Oh, don't worry. I won't subject you to the horror that is the video for "A Sorta Fairytale." I instead went with this live version of Amber Waves, one of my favorite songs off of--as I like to call it--The Last Wholly Good Tori Album. It's all bees and dolls and OMG WTF IS GOING ON WITH HER FACE after this.

2003 Goldfrapp: Black Cherry "Train"
Oh my word. Alison, dear, why is it every time I hear this song, I need to have dirty sex in a back alley with a biker gang from a Kenneth Anger film (look him up, kiddies!). This video is awesome and probably what the movie Burlesque was trying to be. Why didn't they cast Alison in Christina's role? WHY?

2004 PJ Harvey: Uh Huh Her: "Who the Fuck"
SHE'S DANCING IN HER PANTIES IN THIS ONE HOLY SHIT POLLY JEAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

2005 Aimee Mann: The Forgotten Arm "Video"
Here is a fine example of a concept album that works (PAY ATTENTION, TORI AND LIZ). This entire album was my soundtrack to my junior year of college. It's equal parts heartbreaking and beautiful. Another artist who makes wonderful music year after year (we'll overlook your holiday album, Aimee).

2006 Pete Yorn: Nightcrawler "For Us"
Brittany has her Ryan Adams, and I have my Pete Yorn. Can you fall in love with a person's nose? Cause I think I have. Oh, and if you were the one who broke up Ryan and Scarlet, Pete, I don't mind one bit. Now let me run my fingers through your messy black hair.

2007 LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver "All My Friends"
OOOOhhhhhh James Murphy, you have no idea how bad my loins ache for you. THEY FUCKING ACHE DO YOU HEAR ME??? Oddly enough, I played this song a lot when I was having casual sex with a friend of mine. Not while we were doing it, mind you; music during sex is awkward.

Look at his face paint! It's so Bowie I could just masturbate!

2008 B-52s: "Funplex"
Yes, I realize this is the year Lady Gaga released the mothafuckin Fame, but you've seen all those videos. Now, for your enjoyment, watch Fred, Kate and the gang get all goofy in this video. They look surprisingly good for being kinda old, no?

2009 The Bird and the Bee: Rayguns are not just the Future "Diamond Dave"
God these guys are so adorable. Cameos by Eric Wareheim (Tim & Eric Awesome Show) and Ken Jeung (Community). I wish I could wear a jaunty beret with aplomb like she does.

2010 Massive Attack: Heligoland "Psyche (feat. Martina Topley Bird)"
This is such a trippy, wonderful video and song. I feel like it's a good video to close out things on this list. As we're already near the end of the first month of 2011, there's a lot of of gorgeous imagery of pupating butterflies and cicadas. New year, new skin. Is that too corny? I apologize if it is.

2010 BONUS Placebo: Battle for the Sun "For What it's Worth"

I'd be remiss if I didn't give a shout out to my favorite bisexual singer, Brian Molko.

GOD-SHAPED HOLE

NEW PJ HARVEY ALBUM IN FEBRUARY. EXPECT A FULL REVIEW COVERED IN SEX STAINS!

Comments

  1. I WISH I HAD KNOWN YOU IN 2008

    FUNPLEX IS SUCH A GOOD ALBUM

    ReplyDelete
  2. I haven't even listened to all of them yet, but I'm glad someone else listens to music not so much with their ears but with their genitalia.

    ReplyDelete

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