Monday, February 27, 2012

sup oscars!

I watched the annual Oscars in bits and pieces, flashes really. Like I was on a bus for a while then I was waiting for a cab then I was eating dinner but before that I was on said cab. So it was a lot going on, all at once.


Things That Happened


- The Artist sort of swept, playing hand-in-hand with Hugo. Honestly, I don't give a shit about Hugo. I rather watch Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close followed by ALL THE DOCUMENTARIES, FOREIGN FILMS AND LIVE ACTION SHORTS before I sit down to watch Hugo.


- Meryl Streep won. I'm a little sad by this, to be real with you. Part of me was pulling very hard for Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe. Oh well. I guess there are names some actresses in Hollywood know they will always lose against:  Kate Winslet and Meryl Streep.




- The dude from the Artist got best actor. Okay, great. But I still think Clooney or Pitt (aka MY BROS) could have easily gotten it instead.


- God, did Billy Crystal suck that much, or had I not taken enough sedatives? glug glug glug...cut your hair, Billy. it disturbs my SOUL.


- better hosts for next year:  Ellen or Steve Martin. Or Sarah Silverman....that would be a good time. NO BETTER YET THE CAST OF BRIDESMAIDS


- The Help:  I still don't care. Does this make me a shameful tiny person? yes. but. but. Emma Stone was one of the best parts of last night. Gorgeous and hilarious. A+


- did I stay up to watch the whole thing? HELL no


- Christopher Plummer winning his Oscar was one of the highlights of the evening. There were like, three highlights to this evening, you know.


- ANGELINA JOLIE IS AWESOME AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY


Things  That I Wish Had Happened


- Bridesmaids
- Sarah Jessica Parker showing up on a double date with Lady Gaga
- The Muppets terrorist takeover
- Meryl dropping every cussword you can think of
- and I mean cussword
- Ryan Seacrest in tears
- Meryl Streep sending an American Indian to accept her award




Final thought:  someday, Glenn Close, your day will come.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Music Will Live and Die in the Physical Form

It is no secret that the advent of the album format changed our concept of what music is. Sure, beforehand there were plenty of catchy singles being put out on 45s, but in retrospective those artists' works seem oddly insubstantive.* As much as I love many, many songs by Chuck Berry and The Coasters, greatest hits collections sound phony and shallow. The very nature of the music is such that each song is meant to be listened to individually. Collections are mismatched, without meandering or progression, no too-preachy-for-the-radio tracks, none that are sparse, hookless and delve deeply into introspection.


Now, with iTunes, iPod, the digital age and the digital craze, Rolling Stone magazine is predicting the eventual death of the physical form. Physical sales for the first time have been topped by pay downloads, opening the stage once more to singles-only oriented artists.

Rolling Stone laments the co-incidental demise of record stores.** Truly, much can be said about flipping through stacks of records, tapes or CDs and happening across interesting and bizarre looking recordings that one has never heard of. Winding up with something great in this process is the most innocent and joyful way to experience new music. Imagine, all the cool artwork, inserts, dings and dents and scrawled names of previous owners, all of it lost in the Amazon.com checkout cart.


There is something to be said about sliding a record from its packaging, tearing the plastic from a newly released CD, hearing the hiss of an old cassette tape. At least I hope I'm not the only one who feels that way, when these things are contrasted with a soulless line of zeroes and ones dictated to your idiot box replacement from "The Cloud."

It is truly baffling to me that Willow Smith can be a popular artist for three years, release two fucking songs, and that's it. What am I, going to buy one song? And listen to it by itself? And that's it? And claim I enjoy her as an artist? I don't even know anything about her.

And I like those songs. And I like some songs by Lady Gaga and other artists that sell more by volume digital than they do on CD. But let's face it, the new form, or lack thereof, is the expressway to the slag heap of artistry in music. And let's face it, the people who buy largely digital downloads are probably not really music fans. Should they dictate its future?


There's something to be said about a band saving up to press copies of that first album, taking a gamble because they truly believe in what they're doing. They are lost in the shuffle when everyone is releasing digital downloads at no cost.

Now, I'll be honest, the sample player on Amazon.com has caused me to buy a lot of albums I wouldn't have otherwise. It's truly invaluable. I almost wish I could come across an album I've never heard of in a store and mentally access that Amazon sample player. But browsing new things, trying to hunt down stuff you've been looking for for a while, is fun. The human experience is, first and foremost, tactile.


Because of this, even going to The Exchange is no fun, because they keep their CDs behind glass cases and you have to ask the guy to get in a flip around through them.

I can't imagine never again being outraged that something comes in a slipcase, is missing a booklet or has one that's printed on weird enviro-friendly paper. These quirks define me as a listener, even I though I scarcely flip through booklets.

I guess this means, once again, I am a reactionary.

AWM

* I hope neologisms don't bother you.
** The article goes further to lament the loss of Borders, which did have a different selection at times, but gouged prices so badly that I rarely if ever bought from them.

Friday, February 24, 2012

UC Store: Yeah, I C the Store

As Always,

Don't forget to check out TheUselessCritic.com Store.

For this: and other gems ;)


The Best of The Useless Critic...So Far

A book of humor and entertainment from aspiring, pop-culture driven, media-loving writers.

Available Now. Take a Look for Free.
CLICK HERE

Thursday, February 23, 2012

An Interview With A Writer

Holly Jacobs has won the hearts and minds of her readers with her often Erie-centric romance novels...throughout the country and all over the world. 
COFFEE AND DOGS! And Holly!


Erie? Yeah. I am not making a goofy typo for once. ERIE. 

So who is Holly Jacobs? What drives her? Why is Erie considered a romantic place (by, uh, Amazon, at least) and what is her role in that? You, reader, are about to find out!

So what are you working on currently?


Holly:   I’m working on a new trilogy for Harlequin SuperRomance. It’s not due to be released until May, Jun and July of 2013. (Yes, that’s a long way off...but when you’re writing three books to be released back-to-back you need ample lead time.) It’s a wedding trilogy, tentatively titled, Something Borrowed, Something Blue and Something Perfect. It’s set in the fictional Valley Ridge, New York, a small town between the very real North East, PA and Ripley, New York. It’s set in the midst of the very real Lake Erie Wine Region. A lot of people don’t know that Lake Erie has a wine region, but we do. It’s thriving and growing. (And the wine is awesome, not that I’m biased. LOL)


I’m writing book two right now. I love working my way through trilogies. I know the characters so much better by the middle book, it’s a true joy to work on it!


What inspired you to write romance novels? I read on your website you started writing due to Tolkien as a child- that's a small jump!


Holly:  When I first started writing, I tried a bunch of different genres. I sold a poem once...that $4 check convinced me that making a living at poetry might not be a viable option. I tried some more literary type fiction. I sold a story to a that I thought of as a psycho-babble, dream sequence, science story. The literary magazine that published it said spiritual and I said fine because I was discovering that I liked making money at telling stories, so if they paid me they could call it whatever they wanted.


I continued to play around with genres and form...and I stumbled on romance. It was one of those Eureka moments. I’d found my home. Why romance? Because it’s about relationships. It’s about how two very different and diverse people find their way to each other. I can mix in fantasy elements, or geeky science. I love to add in kids (I have four and am a fan of kids...well, most days). I can add...well, the thing about the romance genre is you can add in bits of any other genre. It still boils down to the fact it’s about the people and their relationship and as a writer, I haven’t found that I’ve exhausted the study of people and how they relate to one another.


What is the day to day life of a professional writer like?


Holly:  Well, in my fictional biography, I’m probably popping bon-bons, or sky-diving or touring the world. Something exciting. In reality, I get up check emails, get family off to school and/or work, then I walk the dogs...then I write. I stop writing and the family comes home and I...well, repeat daily.


For fun, I weave baskets, or split wood for our fireplace. I dabble at gardening and enjoy cooking (except on days I don’t want to cook). It’s a quiet life. A simple one. But honestly, I love it.


What is the most surprising thing people can learn about what it is like to be a novelist?


Holly:  I think the fact that most writers are so normal. Well, normal in the fact we’re all very individual and have our own quirks and foibles. We’re a diverse bunch. I have friends who teach at colleges, who are private investigators as well as lawyers, ex-lawyers, and stay-at-home moms... The common denominator is we all tell stories. The one common denominator is we all ask what-if? 


Those two very small words are the basis for every book I’ve ever written, and I suspect their the starting point for every piece of fiction you’ve ever read. What if a lonely boy discovers he’s a wizard? What if a girl falls in love with a vegetarian vampire? What if a woman who’s spent her entire adult life traveling the US, never staying in one place for long comes home to care for her friend and her children? 


What-if...those two words are some of the most powerful there are. Really there are only three words that might beat them in terms of power–I love you.


 What inspired you to set a lot of your work in Erie? 


Holly:  Now, I’ll confess, if you ask most people to name a romantic city, Erie, Pennsylvania might not come tripping off the tip of the tongue. But I have always maintained my hometown is a hidden gem of a city. We have Presque Isle and some of the most amazing sunsets anywhere right here. You can drive to Cleveland, Pittsburgh or Buffalo in a couple hours, Philly Toronto, New York, DC and other big cities in under seven. We’ve got farms, a wine region, great shopping (no tax on clothes) and...well, did I mention Lake Erie and great sunsets? I’ve sold more than two million books to more than twenty countries and have worked at introducing people to how romantic Erie really is. As a matter of fact, this Valentine’s it made Amazon’s list of top 20 romantic cities in the US! (http://www.amazopia.com/amazons-most-romantic-cities-us-canada/) So maybe my campaign is working??


POSSIBLY!




What writers do you really enjoy at the moment?


Holly:  My most recent reading addictions have been George RR Martin’s The Game of Thrones series, and Patrick Taylor’s Irish Country’s series. I love romance, but I’ll confess, I read outside the genre when I’m writing. I still fall back on a lot of science fiction and fantasy, and I love biographies. Looking at how other people think and live helps my writing. I read geeky science books and a lot of non-fiction, too.


Oh, heck, who am I kidding...I even read cereal boxes! I read. It doesn’t matter what it is...I read.


Booberry cereal boxes = possibly best cereal boxes


 What's your biggest piece of advice for budding novelists?


Holly:  That one’s easy–I always give the same piece of advice when asked. “Write something–anything–every day.” Yep, it sounds like a simplistic piece of advice that makes budding writers roll their eyes ala my teenage daughter. But following that piece of advice it is probably one of the most difficult things there is. Writing in the midst of family chaos. Writing in while suffering heartbreaks. Writing when it’s sunny outside and you want nothing more than to go out and goof around. Writing when there’s laundry and dinners that need done or prepared. Finding a way to write in the midst of a busy life...that’s one of the hardest parts there is when it comes to writing.




Finally- what can we expect from you next?


Holly:  Well, Harlequin is currently rereleasing some of my older books as eBooks. It’s fun to see my backlist get a new life. So far this year, there’s Confession of a Party Crasher, The 100-Year Itch, How to Catch a Groom and finally, How to Hunt a Husband


I also have two new releases coming up. They’re the final two books in my Everything But... series. The original trilogy started when a Hungarian grandmother, Nana Vancy, accidently cursed her family to bad weddings and spends three books trying to break the curse (Everything but a Groom, Everything but a Bride and Everything but a Wedding). Following readers’ requests, Nana Vancy got a new life as a matchmaker. It started with Everything but a Christmas Eve, and there’s this February’s release of Everything but a Mother and ends in June with Everything but a Dog. Let’s put it this way...Nana Vancy is not a world class matchmaker, by any stretch of the imagination. 


A lot of my friends on Facebook listen to me talk about my dogs, Ethel Merman and Ella Fitzgerald. The two dogs in that final book of the series are based on them. Now, I’ve changed the names so my dogs don’t sue me, and I’ll confess, Nana Vancy’s dogs in the book are simply modeled after my dogs...they have their own unique personalities. But it was a fun aspect of writing the last book of the series.






Then next year, the new trilogy we’ve already talked about will be out starting in May. And between all that, there’s a good chance my books will be popping up in some overseas markets. Last year, I had more than twenty international releases. 




Thanks to Holly for taking the time to do this:  be sure to check out her website and see what she's up to next and keep tabs on her writing. She has a gift; that's for sure. To even make it somewhat as a novelist is one admirable testament. Best wishes to her....and her campaign to make Erie the Paris of America! Also, BEST DOG NAMES EVER

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Just because I still love them both for various reasons.


So, in my search for the late, greatly lamented interview wherein Kurt Loder pwns Jewel for her incorrect use of words, I found this little gem from way back when, back when Madonna was less Cryptkeeper-esque and when Courtney Love was alive. RIP COURTNEY....wait, what? ALIVE, YOU SAY?!

Kurt's almost open letter to one Ani Difranco


It's been a while, I know. Truth be told, I've been sitting on this review of Ani's new album, Which Side Are You On? in order to let my rage subside. You'll see what I mean.

Remember the 90s? More specifically, the women musicians of the 90s. Remember how there was this cultural movement where record labels and fans in general embraced the idea of girls with guitars (or keyboards, or what have you) who sang songs about sex and love and loss and inequality and politics? 

I went to this in '99! Good times!

I’m asking these questions because I feel those days are far behind us. And Ani Difranco proves it with her latest offering, Which Side Are You On? So many of my beloved rock goddesses—Ani, Liz Phair, Tori Amos, Sarah McLachlan—have produced some music that just doesn’t do it for me (Night of Hunters was surprisingly good, however).

Ah, the good ol' days.

Ani, I’ve loved you ever since Not a Pretty Girl, it literally changed the way I thought about women, sex, abortion, glbt issues and the place of women in the music industry. Even though I was just an adolescent, I was a gay one at that, and your words transcended gender identity. The title track from that album wasn’t just about girls, but boys and everyone in flux. Do I even have to say what an amazing combat boot to the face your album, Dilate, was? If I could have worn out that CD, I would have.

I even enjoyed your post-angry stuff as well. You have to admit that after Dilate, your music got decidedly upbeat, experimenting with jazz and funk. Every so often a certain track would floor me (“Birmingham” comes to mind). And the Joe Henry-produced Knuckle Down was just plain great. 
 
Loved it despite all my reservations.
But now we come to the part I hate. The part where we need to talk about that Red Letter Year atrocity. Actually, no, we will not talk about it. It was a bad album. End of story.

Seriously, WTF, Ani?
So, you’re probably wondering what I think of Which Side Are You On? Well, it’s not as bad as Red Letter Year, but I feel like you’re tired, Ani. Tired of playing up the “angry-go-green-bisexual-warrior” caricature that people seem to want from you. You’ve got songs about politics and sex and smoking weed and the poor/rich dichotomy. All pressing issues, certainly. So why does it feel like I’ve heard every one of these songs before?

The opening song, “Life Boat,” has some disturbing and lovely imagery. But poetic license notwithstanding, the word “cacophony” defines a clamorous sound, not city lights. Come on, Ani. That’s some A Night Without Armor nonsense. (If you can find the actual interview with Kurt Loder, please send it to me!)

If she turns out to be our generation's Virginia Woolf, I'll drown myself. But, I digress.
I want more songs like “Hearse.” That song says more in its 4 minutes than the title track itself.
And “Promiscuity” is a meaningful, upbeat song about, well, exploring. It makes me think of “Little Plastic Castle,” in its smart wordplay. Unfortunately, these are the few bright points in an otherwise lackluster offering.

Take, for instance, the song “Albacore”...what song is that? I forget it the second it’s done, sorry to tell you. It is such a blatant love song it makes my teeth hurt.

“J” could be a good song, but it would have been a great song on, say To the Teeth. It would have felt more relevant five years ago. I’m also going out on a limb and wager there’s something about hurricane Katrina in this song.

“If Yr Not,” whatever, Ani. This song is one long cliché. Speaking of cliches...

“If you don’t like abortion, don’t get an abortion” is just a choice lyric from the song “Amendment,” a smarmy and lazy song about the fight for women’s equality, that chokes on its own cliches. Yes, women’s rights are so absolutely vital—this country is stuck in the dark ages when it comes to equal pay and abortion, not to mention gender roles. But when you write songs that are so lax, so ineffective in both musical and lyrical content, what are people supposed to think? This song brings nothing new to the battle. As a feminist myself, this song made me long for the devastating understatement of “Tiptoe.”

I feel like you’re stuck in some kind of time warp, Ani. The title track is by all rights a powerful protest anthem, but I can’t escape the feeling you’ve done this before (and it’s a cover song, too). Even the melody is reminiscent of a 70s protest jam. I’m sure it’s intentional, but if you want to get people to vote, most of the newer generations don’t care what happened in Vietnam, let alone what stepping into the booth has to do with anything they care about (yes, yes, I'm aware we don't have booths anymore).

To use a well-worn cliché, it feels like you’re preaching to the converted, Ani.

Meanwhile, in Syria....





I have to admit, first of all, I have been half-paying attention to the escalating situation in Syria. A lot of foreign affairs are far beyond my grasp (for whatever reason, I'm a reasonably intelligent girl) so I just don't even try to follow them. I are American. I shop at Wal-Mart sometimes (sometimes). 


But it's been getting enough exposure on the news- whatever news pond I choose to drink from*,  that it's really become impossible for me to ignore. And it should be impossible for you- or anyone checking this website from whatever cushy pad they happen to be in- to ignore, as well. YES, gas prices are going up. YES, Whitney Houston is very dead ( :/ ). Yes, every Republican candidate is....WELL LET'S NOT OPEN THAT CAN OF WARMS (Sarah Palin:  why aren't you running? you were, at best, gently alarming...or naturally amusing!) But Syria has as every right to be as important as any of these topics, possibly even moreso.


In a nutshell:  as has been happening in the recent past, the people of Syria (a select division of them, I should say) are rising up against their government. The opposition. And what is the government doing? Why, killing them, in response. Shelling homes where  women and children are hiding. 




The president of Syria is this dude. Yes he's ugly; that is besides the point.


Did I mention Syria's biggest ally is Russia? ...


SO. In this conflicts so far, there's been an unfortunate amount of journalist casualties. In addition to the countless other civilian deaths....it's troubling, very troubling. And also troubling we seem to be turning a blind eye to the chaos in question, which will ONLY GET WORSE.


The latest journalists to fall in this have included Marie Colvin, the American foreign correspondent for the British Sunday Times, as well as French photojournalist Remi Ochlik. They were killed during a shelling in the city of Homs. Do you see that eyepatch? That is another war injury. This woman was TOUGH and she didn't back down. To me, she really is the definition of a journalist. Sure some people would call her (and the other journalists in such zones) "foolish" but she was quite the opposite of that. She knew what she was doing and she needed to do it. 




I don't consider myself a journalist really....this woman was a journalist. She died among the people she was trying to bring to the world's attention:  women and children caught in the conflict. 


Hopefully, the deaths of her and others just as brave (New York Times reporter Anthony Shadid) will help send some desperately needed spotlight on what's going on in Syria. And hopefully, and perhaps this is an iota of idealism*, something potentially like "good" will come of it.


(and you have to wonder, at what price?)


SO! educate yourself. pay attention, and not to any of the unoriginal ideas stumbling out of Mitt Romney's mouth or scary ideologies being spurted by Rick Santorum.


RIP, Marie and Remi. 


* bad metaphor 1 
* bad alliteration 1 


"I watched a little baby die today, absolutely horrific, a two year old - found the shrapnel had gone into the left chest and the doctor said: 'I can't do anything,' and his little tummy just kept heaving until he died. That is happening over and over and over." - Marie Colvin